What Went Wrong? What Can Go Right?

We've been stressing the command to the husband that he is to love his wife as Christ loves the church. We've also been stressing that this love is an unconditional, sacrificial love even to the point of death, and yes, even to a critical and unworthy wife.

But why is she like that? Let's think about this critically. God said at creation that it was not good for the man to be alone, didn't He? Hmmm. Also, Proverbs 18:22 says, "He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord." God intended marriage to be good, right? That's the way it was at creation. That was also the way it was supposed to be at the time of Solomon when he wrote this Proverb. It is still true today - it is a good thing to have a wife. That is God's intention, that marriage be good and a means of blessing. You must have thought so too when you got married, or you wouldn't have done it. Your wife is a good thing by which God intends to bless you.

If she isn't any more, what went wrong? This was the woman you chose from among all the women of the world, whom you loved enough to commit your life to till death do you part even after having gotten to know her intimately. What has changed? How has she changed? What went wrong? If this woman was the was the woman you felt God had just for you as your life mate; why is she no longer? Hmmm. Did you ever think that maybe the problem isn't with her, but with you?

Listen to me and listen to me close, husbands. God put you in charge. God made you the head of your home. You are the one God created for leadership. Your wife was created to be your helpmeet, your completer, you complement. By God's design, she responds to you. She is designed to follow your leadership.

If there is a problem in your home, God is going to hold you responsible, because he assigned you the headship in your home. If you aren't being the head of the home you need to be, is it any wonder she would nag and criticize? If you aren't loving her the way you ought, is it any wonder if she is unloving to you? If you aren't caring for her needs and demonstrating sacrificial leadership to her, why would you expect her to meet your needs or submit to your non-existent leadership? What kind of example are you giving her to follow? If your home is not the home you want it to be, are you leading it in the direction it should go?

More and more we are finding in our day an absence of leadership in the home on the part of husbands; and we are finding wives who crave that leadership, but can't find it - who cry out for it, but can't find it. Steve Farrar, years ago in his book Point Man wrote,

"After years of research and study, it is my conclusion that effective male leadership is going the way of the dinosaur. Some people are worried about the extinction of whales, condors, snail darters, and baby seals. Those are legitimate concerns. But let me shoot straight with you. I'm a lot more worried about the exteinction of the men who know how to lead a family. And the effective male leader who knows how to lead his family is already on the endangered species list."

Dr. James Dobson said the same thing back in 1980:

"The western world stands at a great crossroads in its history. It is my opinion that our very survival as a people will depend upon the presence or the absence of male leadership in millions of homes. I believe with everything within me that husbands hold the keys to the preservation of the family."

Men, that's what wives want - they want you to lead. You must be that leader. You must provide that sacrificial leadership in your home. You MUST! Then see how your wife responds and blossoms. Then see what kind of marriage yours can be again. But husbands, God has placed that responsibly squarely upon you. You must assume it.