Monday, April 6, 2009

Loving an Unworthy Woman

A husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church. That has been our topic. But what kind of love is it? How does Christ love? Christ loves with the agape love of God. Agape love is a sacrificial love that is willing to give and give without ever expecting anything in return.

Notice that this isn't a mushy, romantic love. There isn't anything wrong with that kind of love. Romance is wonderful, it is just inadequate. It doesn't sustain us through the tough times. So agape love isn't about feelings, it is about commitment. It is a decision of the will. It is acting in a loving way no matter how we feel at the time. And it keeps on loving long after the feelings disappear. Agape love is a commitment of the will.

People can fall in and out of love as often as they change their underwear. Just a watch a teenager and you can see this. This week they are madly in love, but this weeks true love is replaced by another next week. But commitment doesn't change. If love is simply an emotion, it won't last through the tough times; but you are required to love through those tough times because you have made a commitment, and because God commands it.

I hear husbands all the time say to me, "I just don't love my wife anymore. I used to, but I don't now. I need out." When people say that to me, I have adopted the response of John MacArthur, who tells them, "Then get down on your knees and pray and repent of this awful sin." Yes, God requires husbands to love their wives, so to not love your wife is a sin. If you don't love your wife, you are violating God's command to you.

"But, how can I love a woman like that?" you might say. "You don't know my wife." Maybe I don't, but I know you, and I know you are a sinner. Scripture tells me that. Romans 3:23 says, "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." That includes you, doesn't it, husband? And I also know what it says in Romans 5:8, "But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." We deserved nothing from God except to burn in hell for all eternity because of our sins. Yet, God sent His Son to earth to die for us - not because you deserved it, but in spite of your unworthiness.

So don't ever tell me your wife doesn't deserve your love. I'll agree with you. She probably doesn't. But that has nothing to do with it. You are to love her in the same way that Jesus loved you, when you didn't deserve it. This command to love your wife has nothing to do with whether or not your wife is worthy of your love, or even if she is lovable. This has everything to do with the command and example of Jesus Christ. We are to love unconditionally as Christ loved the church. there are no ifs, ands, or buts in that - just unconditional, sacrificial love. By loving your wife as Christ loved the church, you are becoming more like Christ.

But nobody believes there is nothing worthy of love in your wife. Nobody! When you courted her and stood at the altar and pledged your life and undying love for her, you didn't believe it either. Then, you believed this woman you were marrying was the most desirable woman on the planet, the one God had made just perfect for you. She is still that same woman. She is still the same even if she has gained weight since having kids, even if she is too tired to have sex with you every night. Life makes romance hard, remember? But none of that matters. She is still the one God has for you. Not even if she becomes a perpetual nag and criticizes you relentlessly, and you can't stand living with her anymore; none of that matters. She is still the one God has for you. The command still stands. Ephesians 5:25 still says, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her." It wasn't easy for Christ to love the church. It may not be easy for you to love your wife, but you must. God demands that you love your wife sacrificially. Anything less is sin.

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