Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Give 100%? I Object!

I have repeatedly urged you to give 100% to your spouse. I have tried to make a Scriptural case for this mandate. I have pointed to Jesus Christ as our example. I have described this as the agape love of God. Yet, all the time, we hear objections. "Not, me," people say. "I've tried it with my wife, and she doesn't reciprocate. She's proved she's not worthy of my service." Well, it is true that this doesn't always work. I've admitted that already. And none of us are worthy.

But don't think that argument will get very far with God. Do you think Jesus thought His disciples were worthy when He washed their dirty, smelly feet on the night before He went out to die for them? He knew Judas would betray Him. He knew Peter would deny Him three times. He knew the rest would scatter like frightened rabbits when He was arrested. But He did it anyway.

Besides, we've already covered this. The truth is, our service really isn't to our spouse, but to God. Our service is to the Lord. 1st John 3:16-17 says,
"By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us. And we also ought to lay down our lives for the brethren. But whoever has this world's goods, and sees his brother in need, and shuts up his heart from him, how does the love of God abide in him?"
What a good question. How? Jesus showed us the way. He died for us. He commanded us to love one another. So He can certainly question our love for Him if we refuse to obey Him by loving our spouse.

Do you see this? This isn't about our love for our spouse. This is all about our love for God. You serve others (your spouse) as a way to serve God. And that doesn't matter whether your spouse is worthy of your service or not, does it? Because God is always worthy of your service. God is always worthy of your total devotion, so you can always serve God by serving your spouse. The more difficult your spouse is, the more special your service to God. So whether your spouse reciprocates or not, you can still have that inner satisfaction of knowing that you are truly serving God. You can still have that sense of fulfillment.

You can also look for your reciprocity from God. He is the one who will reward you. You are His servant, and He will reward you for doing what He asks. Don't look for your affirmation from your spouse, look for it from God. Gary Thomas writes, "To become a servant . . means you are free from the petty demands and grievances that ruin so many lives and turn so many hearts into bitter cauldrons of disappointment, self-absorption, and self pity." To serve God in this way is freeing. Husbands, obey God's command to love your wife as Christ loved the church sacrificially even to the point of death, and then let God take care of the details.

But if you love your wife enough to die for her, shouldn't you love her enough to live for her? Living for her is less a sacrifice than dying for her. Putting aside your own likes and desires is small compared to hanging on a cross.

I saw a cartoon once. It showed a man sitting behind his paper, and his wife was sitting across the room with her hands folded looking wistfully at him. "Do you love me?" She asks. He puts down his paper and says, "Of course I love you. I'm your husband. It's my duty." That's not very funny or very romantic, but he's right, you know. God commands us as husbands to love our wives as Christ loved the church. That's duty.

So many people mistake romance for love. They marry because they fall in love. Then when the romance fades, they fall back out of love. But the Bible doesn't tell us to marry the one you love. It commands us to love the one you marry. Not to love is SIN! Tim Stafford writes,
"Nowhere does the Bible say that love is the basis of marriage; marriage is the basis for love. Paul's command is, 'Husbands, love your wives,' rather than, 'men, marry your lovers.' Marriage is a covenant that is to be filled with love, as a cup is filled with wine. But of the two, the cup is necessary before the wine is poured in."
Your marriage is the cup that you need to fill with love. But if you fill that cup with your sacrificial love, men, don't be surprised if your wife reciprocates. Your love should draw her to you like a magnet.

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