That's risky, some would say. Yes, it is. C.S.Lewis writes, "Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal." He is right. To love is to risk. If you give your heart to your spouse, you may get it back shredded and in pieces. You might well dedicate your life to serving your spouse and never get anything back in return. There may never be any reciprocity. None-the-less, you will be pleasing God. You will be acting in obedience to God, and there is blessing and reward in that.
But if you never try, you will never know how your spouse might respond. By not choosing to serve, you may be choosing to live in a relationship characterized by continually keeping score and continually fighting, rather than one characterized by bliss. But do you see? When each spouse takes responsibility for the other - the wife assuming responsibility for her husband, and the husband assuming responsibility for the wife - marriage will be mutually fulfilling.
Unfortunately, that is 180 degrees different from the way that most marriages operate. Most people get married to someone because of what they think the other will bring them. In other words, they get married for what they can get. Isn't that true? Most men marry a woman because she looks good, she's fun to be with, she's someone he can be proud to be seen with, or she arouses his passion. Most women have similar lists of reasons for why they got married to their husbands. But this isn't about what we can get. It is about what we can give. Men, your home isn't your castle where you can live like a tyrant. Your home is your ministry, your first ministry, where you learn to serve. And you learn to serve God by serving your wife.
The early church father Ambrose wrote this,
"How great, then, is the constraint in marriage, which subjects even the stronger to the other; for by mutual constraint each is bound to serve. Nor if one wishes to refrain can he withdraw his neck from the yoke, for he is subject to the [desires] of the other . . . You see how plainly the servitude of marriage is defined."That is what it means, husbands, to love your wife as Christ loved the church. It means to sacrifice for her - to serve her. We are called by God to this sacrifice, and sacrifice by definition costs something. C.J. Mahaney pleads with us, "Gentlemen, what are we doing each day for our wives that involves sacrifice? What are we doing each day for your wife that is costing you something?" Well, how do you answer that? Can you make a list? Go ahead, make a list mentally right now. What are you coming up with? Are you doing anything that is sacrificial for the benefit of your wife? Is the point made?
Kevin Lehman points out that he has yet to meet a man who after a long day of work thinks to himself, "What I really need right now is a long, forty-five-minute talk with my wife." That's what makes it a sacrifice - doing what you don't feel like doing. This is but one example. It takes sacrifice to give your wife what she needs. But that's what makes it so special to her. Gary Thomas writes, "Marriage creates a situation in which our desires to be served and coddled can be replaced with a more noble desire to serve others - even to sacrifice for others." When both the husband and the wife have this attitude, the result is beautiful. both will have their needs met. Each will be served by the other. Are you ready to give it a try?
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