Wednesday, May 13, 2009

To Nourish Your wife

Last time, we looked at the command to a husband requiring him to nourish and cherish his wife from Ephesians 5:29. But let's look at this word, "nourish," a little closer. It means so much more than just to meet your wife's physical needs for food, clothing, and shelter. Yes, when we nourish our tomatoes with plant food they grow. When we feed our kids with Wheaties, they grow. But also, when I provide emotional food to satisfy my wife's soul hunger, she grows as a person.

At the deepest level, nourish means to bring out, as you would do when you reached into a bunch of flowers to draw one out so you could display it to the best advantage. A man who nourishes his wife draws out the very best that is hidden within her so she will develop a character ever more like Christ's own. You nourish those inner qualities to allow them to develop.

The word is used in reference to raising children. Ephesians 6:4 is an example: "And you fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord." That phrase, "bring them up," is translated from the same word translated as nourish. Here, the word means to mature them. A father is to do all he can to assure that his children become all they can be. Husbands must do that same thing for their wives. The goal is to help them become all that God wants them to be.

To do this, the husband must look beyond her mere physical needs, as in providing a house, food, and clothing, and also look to her emotional and spiritual needs. When she needs strength, you must be strong for her. when she needs encouragement, you must encourage her. When she needs affection, you must give her a hug. When she needs assurance, you must prove your undying commitment to her. She must know she will never, ever lose you. This is all part of caring for her needs. This is all part of the requirement to nourish your wife.

Again, Jesus is our example. Philippians 4:19 says, "And my God will supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus." That means more than a meal on the table or a roof over our head. Jesus takes care of our most intimate needs in every area. His love is a caring love. Our job, husbands, our duty as provider, protector, and sustainer of our wives, is to supply all - ALL - of our wife's needs.

But how does a husband know what his wife's needs are? the answer is found in 1st Peter 3:7, "Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered." To dwell with them means so much more than just sharing an address or eating at the same table or even sleeping in the same bed. It has the idea of a deep, intimate relationship. This is not just sharing things, but sharing our lives together. And we are to do that with understanding.

Do you see this? In order to nourish your wife, you need to know your wife. You need to know things about her that no one else knows. You need to know her deepest feelings, her dreams and her disappointments. You need to know her scars and her fears. You need to know her love language and speak it. You need to know what turns her on - how she likes to spend an evening. You need to know everything about her. And that takes time. And that takes effort. And that takes trust. There is no other way.

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