Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Respect - What a Man Needs

Last time we outlined form the Bible how respect is a requirement for everyone to everyone. In the New International Version of 1st Peter 2:17, it says, "Show proper respect to everyone." But if that is the case, why is Paul singling out the wife specifically in Ephesians 5:33, saying, "And let the wife see that she respects her husband?"It is for the same reason that Paul singled out the husband when it comes to showing love. The husband is specifically reminded to love his wife in spite of the fact that we are all supposed to love one another. Certainly he is to do this because Christ loves the church that way, but also because this is his wife's greatest need. It is what she needs most. Wives are hard wired that way.

Likewise, the wife is reminded specifically to respect her husband even though we are all commanded to respect one another. Why? Because first, the church is to respect Christ, but also because respect is the husband's greatest need. It is what he needs most. He is hard wired that way. Every man needs a wife who will look up to him and respect him even more than he needs a wife to love him. When surveys of men are taken, respect always ranks lots higher than love as the most important need of a man. It is built into him.

So what is respect? How does a wife know when she is being obedient to this command? Is it to say, "Yes, sir!" and bow and grovel? In some Oriental cultures, the wife is not allowed to speak in a man's presence and has to walk five paces behind him down the street. Is this the respect this is talking about? NO! That doesn't sound at all like Biblical marriage. It sounds like slavery.

I've read books that take this concept to that extreme. They go hand in hand with those books that require the wife to be submissive like a mousy little doormat. No joke, I've read advice to the wife that goes like this: "If your husband is driving you shopping and finds a parking space near the door and pulls into it, praise him. Tell him what a good job he did finding a parking spot. It shows he is capable of finding a parking space." Seriously! That is in print.

I really thought that was a tongue in cheek joke when I first read it, but it wasn't. If my wife responded that way to me, "Oh, honey, you found a parking space. I'm so proud of you." I'd think she was mocking me - making a fool out of me - being condescending toward me - like the best thing I could do was find a parking space. It wouldn't make me feel respected. It would make me feel like her little kid who is dealing with self-assurance issues and needs mommy to stroke his ego. "That's such a good little boy. Mommy is so proud of you." Biblical respect is so much deeper. Next time we will talk about what it really means to respect your husband.

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