Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Submitting to an Insensitive Clod

It is easy to paint a rosy picture when talking about submission. We can do that by pointing out that perfect husband who actually lives out the command of Ephesians 5:25 to love his wife sacrificially as Christ loved the church. That kind of husband would be easy for a wife to submit to. He would want to serve his wife. He would voluntarily help with the dishes and volunteer to rub her feet when they hurt. He would be attentive to meet her needs. Ah, if every wife had that kind of a husband, life would be great. Marriage would be beautiful.

Unfortunately, not every woman is married to a man like that. Instead, some women are married to a selfish pig of a husband - to an insensitive clod who couldn't see a dirty dish if it was set on the table in front of him. He wouldn't care if his wife's feet hurt just as long as she was well enough to meet his needs. He might not even notice if his wife were dying on the couch as long as she didn't interfere with his view of the TV. That kind of a man is hard to submit to - incredibly hard. Nobody denies that. And lots of women are married to men like that.

But quite frankly, even the best of husbands are at times insensitive. Even the best of husbands will hurt their wives at times. Even the best of husbands will get too tired to notice their wife has a need. Some good husbands have bad days and get so frazzled that the last thing they want to do is have meaningful conversation or spell their wife in watching the kids. All they may have energy for is crashing on the couch and vegging.

A wife in that situation may be tempted to retaliate - to get back at him for being so insensitive. She will be tempted to treat him as bad as she feels he has treated her - to disrespect him and ignore his needs - or tell him off in no uncertain words.

But that's counterproductive, isn't it? Doesn't that just compound the problem? When someone sins against you, when has it ever helped to add a second sin to the mix? In Gary Thomas' book, Sacred Influence, he writes,
"Fighting your husband's irresponsibility with irresponsibility of your own is like pouring gasoline on a fire; it just makes things that much more explosive, that much worse."
He's right! It does! Because now there are two of you acting irresponsibly and violating God's command, not just one.

Yes, that kind of a man is hard to submit to, no doubt about it. That kind of a man can make marriage seem more like a ball and chain than the joy it was intended to be. And that kind of man is, unfortunately, all too common. So what is a Christian wife to do? How can she submit to someone who only wants to walk all over her? If that's the kind of husband she has, how?

Here's the bad news. Even in this, she really ought to obey God. Whether it is difficult or easy, she really ought to obey God.

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