Marriage is a Good Thing

This past week, my bride and I celebrated our 38Th wedding anniversary. I am truly a blessed man. I have a marriage that has lasted through the years. It's not because our marriage has always been perfect or that we are somehow unique people who can survive through trials others can't. We've had our ups and downs like everyone does. But through it all, we have valued our commitment to one another and valued our covenant before God. We made the vow, "Till death do us part," and we intend to keep it.

I know people like to make jokes about marriage (How could she put up with me for all that time?), and some of them are pretty funny. But the topic of marriage really is serious. So today, I want to contemplate what a good thing marriage really is. It is good for a man and a wife to live together in a family. It is good for society to have intact nuclear families. Marriage is a good thing.

The wisdom of the Proverbs, in Proverbs 18:22, states that, "He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord." That is God's intention. When God created the world, repeatedly He paused and remarked that it was good. When He finished, Genesis 1:31 summarized God's opinion, "Then God saw everything that He had made, and indeed, it was very good."

Oh, but there was one thing that wasn't good. In Genesis 2:18, it says, "And the Lord God said, 'It is not good that the man should be alone.'" The solution? God created for Adam a wife forming her from a part of his own side. Since that day, marriage between one man and one woman has been the foundation of society. All human societies have formed some sort of heterosexual marriage as the basis for the nuclear family and the environment for raising children.

Jeff Myers of Summit Ministries writes,

"Marriage's goodness colors nearly every imaginable aspect of public life. As salt preserves food for a banquet, Biblical marriage preserves whole societies as well as individuals and families. . . . No matter what metric is chosen, marriage and family are the greatest stabilizing influences for personal relationships and all of society."

Glenn Stanton, author of The Ring Makes All the Difference, lists the benefits. Married people are generally healthier. Married households have about five times greater net worth. Married people report being much happier. And numerous studies have shown that children having two biological parents are happier, better educated, and healthier children.

Of late, however, marriage has been on the rocks. No-fault divorce laws and the sexual revolution that separated sex from childbearing took their toll. The Industrial Revolution with women entering the workforce in mass has given more opportunity for adultery to flourish. The divorce rate reflects this disintegration.

Harry R. Jackson Jr. writes,

"The depressing state of marriage in our nation provides more fuel for the fire for those who advocate redefining marriage to include same-sex couples. After all, as the joke goes, how can homosexuals make more of a mess of the institution of marriage than heterosexuals already have?"

We haven't done such a hot job as a society.

But the answer isn't to throw out the institution of marriage or to cheapen it by making it so broad it takes in any combination. The answer is to return to revering marriage for what it is intended to be. Jackson continued,

"The enfeebled state of marriage today is all the more reason to fight to preserve it and hopefully to restore it to its former strength."

He's right!

But, that will only happen if people return to following the Biblical mandate for marriage. Marriage doesn't exist primarily to satisfy our own needs or wants. Rather, marriage provides the right kind of environment for procreating and raising the next generation. Malachi 2:15 gives us this reason for marriage from God's perspective, "And did He not make them one? . . . And why one? He seeks godly offspring."

As a pastor, I've counseled numerous people having difficulty in their marriages. I always tell them Scripture gives the secret to marital bliss. It is found in Ephesians 5:22-27. The passage is the one that calls on wives to humbly submit to the leadership of their husbands, and for husbands to humbly sacrifice for their wives even to the point of dying for them. When that happens, there's no way a marriage can fail.

There's no 50-50 in that - no keeping score to see who is ahead - no selfishness in the relationship. This kind of marriage involves totally committing yourself to meet the needs of the other, not marrying so that your needs can be fulfilled. There would never be a problem in your marriage if you each followed the mandates of Ephesians 5. The husband's needs would be met, because his wife would be dedicated to meeting his needs even at the expense of her own. The wife's needs would be met, because her husband would be dedicated to meeting her needs even at the expense of his own. Both can be fulfilled.

However, if both parties are only in the marriage for what they can get out of it, they will always be disappointed. No person, no matter how super, can be expected to meet all of our desires. Then, when our desires aren't met, we go in search of someone who can - we go in search of someone to try again with - and another marriage crumbles. That's all backwards. We aren't supposed to marry someone expecting to get for a lifetime, we marry someone we can give to for a lifetime.

What is happening with the disintegration of families is the disintegration of society. Paul Popenoe writes, "It can be demonstrated from history that no society has ever survived after its family life deteriorated." But the fact that we, through our self-centeredness have made such a shambles of marriage does not remove God's original intent. The fact is many couples are making marriage work - they are thriving in families. We can restore our homes, and this in turn will restore our society. Marriage is intended to be a good thing; and if we do it God's way, it can indeed be a good thing. I've found that out for 38 years and counting.