Why God Hates Divorce

We were looking at a conversation between Jesus and the Pharisees concerning marriage from Matthew 19. We saw that Jesus pointed them back to the book of Genesis to see God's intent for marriage. Then we looked at where God said he hated divorce. That was the message that came through loud and clear in Malachi 2:16, "For the Lord God of Israel says that He hates divorce."

but didn't God condone divorce? That was the accusation of the Pharisees. In Matthew 19:7-9 we read, "They said to Him, 'Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?'" The Pharisees were referring to Deuteronomy 24:1-4, a passage in which Moses mentions divorce. But the only command from that passage was that if the wife following the divorce married someone else and then got another divorce, her first husband could not remarry her because she was defiled. But, "See," they said. "God, through Moses, commanded that people should get a divorce." They twisted the Scripture then just as people do today.

Jesus answered this way from Matthew 19:8, "He said to them, 'Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.'" No, it was not commanded. God graciously permitted divorce as a concession to the innocent party.

Divorce was never God's intention. Rather it was the result of sinful men with hardened hearts. Divorce is never called a sin in Scripture, but it is always caused by sin - by some one's sin and by some one's hardened heart. At least one person in the relationship persists in sin refusing to repent and restore. Some one's sin is the cause of the divorce, but the other party could certainly be guiltless - an innocent victim of that sin. And that is the very reason why God gets so angry at divorce. God cares about the heartache of the innocent party. He cares about the heartache caused by the hard heart of the guilty party. So God permitted divorce for the protection of the innocent spouse so the innocent spouse could gain relief from the continuing, unrepentant sin of the other.

Jesus Speaks on the Permanence of Marrige

Since we've been talking about the permanence of marriage, it would be helpful to see what Jesus had to say about it. The definitive passage is Matthew 19:3-6. It begins with the Pharisees questioning Him, "The Pharisees also came testing Him, 'Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason?'" That's the question, is it OK to get rid of your wife - to divorce her - for just any reason like society now says?

How will Jesus answer? Verses 4-6 tell us:

"And He answered and said to them, 'Have you not read that He [God] who made them at the beginning made them male and female, and said, for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate."

Jesus took them all the way back to Genesis and quoted from Genesis 1:27 and from Genesis 2:24. His point was, God joins the couples in marriage. It isn't up to man to separate what God joined. God's intent was obviously that marriage be permanent - till death do you part. Marriage is intended to be a one flesh, permanent relationship - a loving, intimate union of two people into one flesh.

Can a marriage ever be dissolved? Well, can one flesh ever be torn asunder? obviously, the answer is, Yes! We see it happen all the time. But it can't happen without ripping the body apart. It doesn't happen without the destruction of the family. It doesn't happen without hearts being torn asunder. From God's use of the terms, it is obvious that divorce is like ripping a person in two with all the accompanying pain and agony and the death that follows as the union that God Himself made is destroyed.

And why? Because people refuse to deal with the problems between them. They refuse to fight for their marriage, preferring what seems to them to be the easy way out through divorce. But divorce is never easy. That's a lie of Satan. And Jesus says that's not a satisfactory solution. He glued the two of you together with Super Glue - the best available - so that you couldn't be pulled apart. Only with great difficulty can two things be pulled apart once they have been glued. So often, when wood is glued, it won't separate at the joint. It tears along its own grain. You can't separate the two pieces without great damage.

It's the same in marriage. Obviously they can be ripped apart with great damage, but it's not supposed to be that way. Would Christ ever allow His bride to be ripped away from Him? Could anything be strong enough to rip off part of His body? For us to divorce shreds the picture we portray as the type of Christ and His bride and as His body. Can you see why God would have a bad attitude about divorce? Malachi 2:16 teaches,

"For the Lord God of Israel says that He hates divorce, for it covers one's garments with violence, says the Lord of hosts. Therefore take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously."

Divorce is a treacherous thing. It is tearing apart two people that have been made one flesh. It's talking about victims, as the deserted spouse and children are left broken hearted and often destitute. It's talking about children who are left fatherless. It's talking about homes shattered. Yes, It covers their garments with violence, and that's why God says He hates divorce. Do you think God has changed His mind? Malachi 3:6 says, "For I am the Lord, I do not change."

Nothing Shall Separate Us

Since, according to Ephesians 5:32, our human marriages are a type of Christ's relationship to the church, we can see the need for permanence in our marriages. They really must be "Till death do us part." Last time, we said our doctrine of eternal security parallels this truth. Therefore, for a man to divorce his wife is to say that a believer can be separated from Christ. But that is impossible. Would Christ let that happen? Would Christ let His bride get away? NO!

You can see the tenacity of Christ in John 10:27-30, where Jesus said,

"My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me. And I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; neither shall anyone snatch them out of My hand. My Father, who has given them to Me, is greater than all; and no one is able to snatch them out of My Father's hand. I and My Father are one."

Christ's holds us tight in the middle of His fist so nothing can take us away. There is nothing strong enough to remove us, especially when the Father is holding onto us too. Together, they form an impenetrable barrier providing complete assurance for us. When Jesus says He gives us eternal life and we shall never perish, that is exactly what He means.

Likewise, we as husbands are responsible for providing our wives that same assurance. We will never leave them. We will never let them go. We will fight for them. Our love and our presence is permanent. It must be permanent. Does your family know that?

Jesus, of course, is our example. In Hebrews 13:5, Jesus says, "For He Himself has said, 'I will never leave you nor forsake you.'" In Romans 8:35 it asks, "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril or the sword?" The answer is No! Nothing can separate us from the love of Christ. Romans 8:39 clearly states that none of those things "shall separate us from the love of God which is in Christ our Lord." Nothing should separate us from our families either. NOTHING! Our love must be that permanent.

Marriage doesn't hold that lofty a position in our society anymore. Some of you can remember that, back in our parents generation, divorce was rare. It left a stigma. It carried a certain amount of shame to be divorced. You couldn't even get a divorce unless you could prove adultery on the part of your spouse. So wives would hire private investigators to lurk in the bushes outside motel windows with their cameras to get evidence for the divorce courts. There was tremendous social and economic pressure to hold onto your marriage. There was a lot of incentive to work it out and to hang in there. Sure, there were some marriages that weren't all that good back then, but they stuck it out for the kids sake - so the kids could be raised with both parents. And that was a good idea.

Today, in our age of easy divorce, people can dissolve a marriage for any reason or no reason at all. Broken homes are as common as dandelions in summer. Single parent families are becoming the new norm. Is our society better because of it? The obvious answer is, No! Are people happier? Again, the answer is, No! And our kids have suffered immensely. Won't you fight to preserve your marriage at all costs? Won't you?

Permanent Love

Marriage is intended by God to last till death do us part. The unfortunate situation is that couples have a hard time lasting that long. Husband give up fighting for their wives, and wives no longer feel desired. They both fall out of love and head for the divorce court. That certainly is a problem in the world. It also a problem in the church. According to Christian pollster George Barna, self described, "born again" Christians have a higher divorce rate than non-believers. Those who call themselves fundamentalist have the highest divorce rate of all. This is shocking. This is a total failure of our mandate to love our wives as Christ loved the church.

So far, over the past few weeks, we've talked about three ways that a man should love his wife as Christ loved the church. Christ's love is sacrificial, it is purifying, and it is caring. Today we will look at one more truth - that Christ's love is permanent. A husband's love for his wife must also be permanent. Christ will never stop loving His bride, the church. Neither should a husband ever stop loving his wife. He must have a love for her that doesn't quit - that will fight for her with every last drop of blood to protect the relationship.

We can see the permanence of the relationship when we look at Ephesians 5;30, which talks about the church being the body of Christ. It says, "For we are members of His body, of His flesh, of His bones." No one would cut off part of his body. Yet, according to Genesis 2:24, which is quoted in Ephesians 5:31, we see that the husband and wife are also joined itogether by marriage into one body. It says, "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh."

Remember, we have mentioned several times about how Christ uses our marriage relationship as an illustration of His relationship to the church. Ephesians 5:32 says, "This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church." Yes, it is a great mystery that we are considered Christ's body, but what a great illustration. Because in the marriage relationship, the husband and wife are joined together so tightly as to "become one flesh."

I like the way the Old King James Version translates this. It says that a man shall "cleave" unto his wife. That's a little more graphic in that it gives us the idea of peanut butter cleaving to our palate when we eat a PBJ sandwich. The word means to glue. A husband is glued to his wife - joined so tightly to her that they become one flesh never to be separated in this life. After all, we could no more be separated from Christ as part of His church than could someone tear off His arm or leg. How ridiculous! Or rip out His heart. We are one flesh, after all. God likewise intends marriage to be that permanent. And His standards do not change.

We can not be separated from Christ. That is what this passages teaches. As believers we are so connected to Him as to be considered part of His body. Our doctrine of Eternal Security flows out of this truth. Since we are talking about marriage, we don't have time to build a case for this doctrine. But marriages that end in divorce totally destroy the picture. For a man to divorce his wife is to say that Christ's bride can be torn away from His embrace. It is to say that His heart could be ripped from His body. Would the all-powerful Christ let that happen? Would He not fight to protect His bride? Would He not fight to keep His body from being torn asunder? Of course He would. And so should every husband fight to preserve his marriage.

Living Happily Ever After

People have always loved fairy tales. Most fairy tales begin with, "Once upon a time," and usually end with, "and they lived happily ever after." We like that. We wish it were us. For the plot line, there is usually some variation of the tried and true tale of a beautiful maiden. She is truly an enchantress with flowing hair and eyes so deep you could get lost in them with rosy lips and a sculpted figure and a heart that is true and pure. But this beautiful maiden is unattainable for she is the prisoner of some evil power. She is locked away in a castle guarded by trolls, dragons, armies, secret spells, or whatever. Only a champion can win her, and only through mortal combat. Blood will be shed before this battle is over, but our hero will triumph. He defeats the foe, wins the beauty, and they "live happily ever after."

We love those stories. The most beloved tales in our history have been romantic fairy tales: Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, Helen of Troy, Romeo and Juliet, Antony and Cleopatra, Arthur and Guinevere. Every young girl dreams of being that beautiful maiden waiting to be rescued. And every boy dreams of being that conquering hero who rescues her. God has placed those desires within each of us. This desire is what brings couples together. This is what causes the boy to pursue the girl - to fight for his beloved. And it causes the girl to want to be captured, all with the dream of living "happily ever after."

Ah, what a dream. So they stand at the altar and say their vows. And they promise to love and cherish one another through thick and thin, for richer and poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do them part.

Why is it then that ten years later, that same couple is wondering why they ever got married in the first place? Why does divorce start to look like a really good option? Why do most of us get lost somewhere between, "Once upon a time," and, "They lived happily ever after?" Isn't it true that most passionate romances seem to fade into spending evenings in front of the TV, or into some low level combat for control of the family finances?

What went wrong? Don Henley says, "We've been poisoned by the fairy tales," because, as he says, they are merely myths. He claims they present a false idea of life. Is that true? I suppose there is some basis for his comments in that life is not all romance. That's why we can't rely only on romantic love to get us through. Indeed, Gary Thomas writes, "Romantic love has no elasticity. It can never be stretched. It simply shatters." That's why we have spent time talking about the need for agape love - a love that is sacrificial - to get us through.

But I think Mr. Henley is wrong also about fairy tales. I tend to agree with John Eldridge, who says, "No, we have not been poisoned by fairy tales and they are not merely myths. Far from it. The truth is, we have not taken them seriously enough." What is he talking about? The point he is making is that husbands have forgotten the part about that dragon that guards the castle. We have forgotten that the battle for our wives doesn't end at the altar when we say, "I do," but that the battle continues throughout our lives. We have forgotten that in this life, the dragon is always there for us to battle. Yet so many husbands have stopped fighting for their beauty. They've laid down their swords.

That dragon, of course, is Satan. Revelation 12, which presents a short history of that great, cosmic battle raging between God and Satan, shows Satan being cast out of heaven taking a third of the angels with him and waiting to devout a male child (Jesus) that God sends to the woman (Israel), and failing to destroy Jesus, his fury is vented upon the woman. But that same fury is also vented on every other woman on earth. That dragon is identified in Revelation 12:9 this way, "So the great dragon was cast out, that serpent of old, called the devil and Satan, who deceives the whole world."

Yes, Satan, the serpent of old, is the dragon. The one who deceived Eve in the Garden of Eden is that same one who wants to destroy your marriage with his deceptive lines. He will use them to poison your relationship. "Your marriage isn't fulfilling enough," he will whisper. "Your differences are irreconcilable." "You could be happier with someone else." Those are all Satan's lies - lies intended to get you to lay down your sword and to stop fighting for your beloved. Yet people believe them all the time.

Most men don't even realize the battle is still going on. They think that once they've won their beauty, the fight is over. Yet, Satan works non-stop to destroy their relationship and to destroy their home. No wonder he wins so many battles and no wonder so many homes lie in ruin. As husbands, we must keep our sword sharp and unsheathed. We must continue the fight for our wives - yes, until the day we die. Are you willing to continue the fight for your wife?

Cherish Your Wife

We've talked for awhile about the requirement for a husband to nourish his wife. But the same verse that calls him to do that also calls him to cherish his wife. Ephesians 5:29 says, "For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church." We must cherish our wives.

What does it mean to cherish? Surprisingly, that word is used only one other place in the New Testament. It is found in 1st Thessalonians 2:7, where Paul writes, "But we were gentle among you, just as a nursing mother cherishes her own children." The word "cherish" has the idea of tenderly caring for something. The word literally means to warm or heat, like a mother hen would warm her eggs by sitting on them or warm her chicks by hovering over her brood and covering them with her wings and nestling them into the soft feathers of her breast.

A mother hen does that, and a husband must do that for his wife. He protects and cares for her, realizing the value of his wife. We know that comes easy for a mom as she cares for her babies. It should come easy for a husband to care for this special one he loves - his wife. As mom mothers her children, dad must mother their mom.

Added insight comes from the verse we looked at previously. 1st Peter 3:7 taught us about our wives, "Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered." Giving honor is a form of cherishing. That agrees with the dictionary definition of cherishing which is holding dear, or of clinging to fondly. As men, this is what we are commanded to do. We hold our wives as dear to us. We honor them.

This isn't a feeling. This isn't something we do for our wives if they are worth our honor. This is what we are commanded to do. We honor our wife for the same reason you cherish her. She is the weaker vessel. She needs you. She needs your care. This alone should stir up something inside your belly. This should get your masculine juices flowing. You have a woman you love that needs you. She needs your care. You, as her protector, provider, and priest, are needed.

The word has the idea of providing a warm, safe, secure, and soft place for her. A place with no danger. She must feel safe with you. She must feel that she is a precious treasure to you. She must feel like you are putting her on a pedestal to be admired by you. Women have this as one of their basic needs - the need to be cherished and honored. Only you, husband, can meet that need. Make sure you do.